1/30/2019 0 Comments AdjustingI wonder if last Wednesday's foul mood was a prerequisite to Thursday. I received a text from my mother Thursday morning telling me how sweet and wonderful my ex was for texting her the night before to make sure they were OK since there was a shooting in their town. Yes it was nice, but why did she feel the need to tell me? I was mad at why she would think I would want to know that. I got angrier and angrier about it and became very emotional later in the morning and into early afternoon. If you know me, you would know I've probably cried 5 times in the last 5 years. I don't like to show emotion in from of people because I don't like them to think I'm an emotional women. People don't take you seriously if they think you are emotional. I can't imagine that is what caused me to lose my shit but I really couldn't regain my composure. I just started to feel like I had no friends, no support system, just... no one. I felt so lonely. I felt like maybe I was finally mourning my relationship. I really hadn't felt too bad about the break up, up to that point. In my mind it was sad that 10 years were being flushed without even trying to identify issues and repair them but I realized "he" wasn't that kind of a person. He didn't value relationships and I reflected on many other things in our relationship as being so dysfunctional but I just went along with it anyway so all in all, I felt this was a good thing. I knew in time I would find someone and I would just miss the memories. So why did it hit me that day so hard? I'm not sure and I'm still not sure if that was even what it was about (the relationship). I did have to see "him" that night to put some things into my storage unit and we were not together more than 5 minutes and he already was irritating me. Honestly, it made me laugh considering how horrible I felt earlier in the day. When we finally parted 15 minutes later, I was happy and humming all the way home. It made me feel so good to know that poisoning atmosphere which had made me so miserable the last few years was gone. I finally realized it wasn't me, it was him affecting me. My mother sent me flowers on Saturday to help cheer me up. That was such a nice surprise and helped.
On a better note, I've felt wonderful since. I have been working out at home. I do want to get to the gym for the treadmill so I can get some steps in but I am comfortable with the weight training I am doing at home. I want to also include some (PIYO) pilates and yoga, I need some stretching. I haven't done much exercise in the past because I never feel like it but I know I need to add it to my healthier eating. I'm still doing KETO but I want to keep the carbs out and start reducing the fat intake too. I've been watching my shows and getting caught up. Watching some movies that I've been wanting to watch lately. Things have just been really good. I do need to get a part time job so I've initiated that and am waiting to hear back. I would like to finally get everything into storage and get fully unpacked so I feel like I can relax. that is what is up with me. I've been writing and reading a lot and taking care of me!
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1/22/2019 0 Comments In a Foul MoodHave you ever had one of those days (or weeks) where you just feel like your in a foul mood? I'm having one today. It's a day where I feel like there are so many issues and I'm trying to resolve them but #1 they shouldn't be issues to start with, #2 You reach out to someone to try to fix them and they either give you a crap answer or avoid the question all together, #3 There is no response at all (email), #4 They ask you to call them at a certain time to discuss the issue but they don't answer their phone.... I feel like I could go on and on. I'm just going in circles today.
I am at my full time job and there is so much chatter among multiple people outside my office because of the person that sits in the office next to me and I can't help but think, "does anyone even realize there are other people around that are trying to work?" I mean, do they not care or are they just so self absorbed? And...... closed my door! It was negative five when I came in this morning. It was about the same yesterday morning. Today, however it was suppose to warm up to the twenties (woo-hoo!) I am heading to the gym later after work because I haven't been in so long and I need to be able to get back out dating again but I just know I would never attract the man I want as I am now. I need to lose probably thirty pounds just to feel comfortable. I am doing Keto and had a slight thought of going back to WW but decided that this is much easier to follow. I get absolutely no activity though, so I need to head to the gym to get things moving. Besides, I could meet someone there! I tried the online dating sites thinking I would just find a few people to talk to since I don't want to date anyone yet. What a cesspool. I mean, they are either too forward or when you say you don't want to meet they give you such a hard time. It was nice to talk to people but I'm going to have to get off because I don't need the hassle. I understand why they are on the site but I made it very clear that I was not looking for a relationship or to go out right away. I was working on "ME" for the time being. But, they ask anyway. OK, that's my gripe for today. Just keeping things real. Not all days can be good. 1/18/2019 0 Comments Current Short StoriesI only wrote 500 words for the story my daughter was looking for yesterday. She really liked it. I am adding another 1000 today. She was inspired and wanted to write last night so she ended up writing about 1900. I told her I would catch up and add on to this story since she liked it. We'll see how it goes. I do have other stories I am working on. One is fantasy which is not something I am use to or comfortable with but I like to step outside of my comfort zone and try different genres. I also have a scary type story I'm trying.
I will keep you posted. What are you working on? I did find a great job in May, 2017. It's going very well. I really like what I do and there isn't much pressure so that is a good thing. I can ready and write a little at my job so that is great too. My job as a Credit Manager can seem overwhelming because there is always something to do and always updates needed to credit applications or resale certificates. I have limited resources in my department and I am the only collector so it's not typical for a Credit Manager to do everything in addition to reports. Sometimes it seems monotonous as well. I am glad to be at a company that appreciates their employees and does so much for them. Oh yea, and to have a job again!
I have two short stories and an essay I'm working on. The essay is for a competition that needs to be submitted by March 1st. One of the short stories was a request by my daughter this morning, "my assignment for the day". Her topic was a woman who lives in the woods by herself and a monster comes out of the water to kill her. I said: "monster?" So she said, "OK, murderer, and the girl is in a wheelchair." "Wheelchair? How the heck does she get wood and grow food and hunt? Can she go into town to get wood and food once a month at least?" "Yes, that's fine --- and she is a musician!" "Uhm, OK, anything else? You're not making this easy." "It's not suppose to be easy. It has to be different." "Well, it's certainly different." The other story I'm writing was something I had seen on a website today which touched a little on character descriptions. I was reading about character descriptions and how important it is to not give too much. Let some detail to the imagination. Sometimes what you imagine is more than what someone thinks they want you to see. You never really see what the writer wants you to see anyway. So this topic was more about creating frightening characters so i thought I would give it a try. No time limit on this one but its a short story so it shouldn't take too long. |
AuthorI like to camp, write, read, cook and bake. Most of all, I love spending time with my family. Archives
May 2019
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