1/30/2019 0 Comments AdjustingI wonder if last Wednesday's foul mood was a prerequisite to Thursday. I received a text from my mother Thursday morning telling me how sweet and wonderful my ex was for texting her the night before to make sure they were OK since there was a shooting in their town. Yes it was nice, but why did she feel the need to tell me? I was mad at why she would think I would want to know that. I got angrier and angrier about it and became very emotional later in the morning and into early afternoon. If you know me, you would know I've probably cried 5 times in the last 5 years. I don't like to show emotion in from of people because I don't like them to think I'm an emotional women. People don't take you seriously if they think you are emotional. I can't imagine that is what caused me to lose my shit but I really couldn't regain my composure. I just started to feel like I had no friends, no support system, just... no one. I felt so lonely. I felt like maybe I was finally mourning my relationship. I really hadn't felt too bad about the break up, up to that point. In my mind it was sad that 10 years were being flushed without even trying to identify issues and repair them but I realized "he" wasn't that kind of a person. He didn't value relationships and I reflected on many other things in our relationship as being so dysfunctional but I just went along with it anyway so all in all, I felt this was a good thing. I knew in time I would find someone and I would just miss the memories. So why did it hit me that day so hard? I'm not sure and I'm still not sure if that was even what it was about (the relationship). I did have to see "him" that night to put some things into my storage unit and we were not together more than 5 minutes and he already was irritating me. Honestly, it made me laugh considering how horrible I felt earlier in the day. When we finally parted 15 minutes later, I was happy and humming all the way home. It made me feel so good to know that poisoning atmosphere which had made me so miserable the last few years was gone. I finally realized it wasn't me, it was him affecting me. My mother sent me flowers on Saturday to help cheer me up. That was such a nice surprise and helped.
On a better note, I've felt wonderful since. I have been working out at home. I do want to get to the gym for the treadmill so I can get some steps in but I am comfortable with the weight training I am doing at home. I want to also include some (PIYO) pilates and yoga, I need some stretching. I haven't done much exercise in the past because I never feel like it but I know I need to add it to my healthier eating. I'm still doing KETO but I want to keep the carbs out and start reducing the fat intake too. I've been watching my shows and getting caught up. Watching some movies that I've been wanting to watch lately. Things have just been really good. I do need to get a part time job so I've initiated that and am waiting to hear back. I would like to finally get everything into storage and get fully unpacked so I feel like I can relax. that is what is up with me. I've been writing and reading a lot and taking care of me!
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AuthorI like to camp, write, read, cook and bake. Most of all, I love spending time with my family. Archives
May 2019
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